Let Go of the Burden of Pain You've been hurt and then apologized to. It is painful, but you decide it is within your heart to forgive. Yet the paint doesn't just go away. You carry with you the trauma of what happened, and you think of it even when there's no reason to. You have to let go of the pain. Carrying it around makes it seem like the hurt is fresh every day. Only you can it away. Ask yourself this: If you ha to walk one hundred mies and had the option of carrying a massive cement block - a block of no value to you or anyone else - or carrying nothing at all, which would you choose? "Why would I possibly choose to carry this block" you would ask. Exactly. Niven, D (2003). The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships. New York, NY: HarperCollins.This little "secret" makes so much sense too; and I know that not a single person can disagree with me on it. It really does serve no purpose to carry something like this around with you everyday even if its sitting deep within you. You've got to do something to rid yourself of the pain someway, somehow - but only in a healthy manner of course. I always suggest trying new things, meeting new people, picking up a new hobby, or just switching up your routine a little bit. I'm not suggesting that after a traumatizing experience that one should simply pick up the pieces and move on. We all must grieve in our own way, but when the grieving period become apart of your daily routine then something must give way. Holding onto the pain only slows you down and it only prevents you from meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, whom could have passed you by on the street today. You never truly know. I personally feel that relationships should always be simple, specifically, I feel that if you can be honest with your partner and work any issues out in an constructive and compromising manner, then you've got nothing to worry about. Complications shall always arise no matter how good everything can be, but the way in which the two people deal with and resolve these dilemmas is what really matters. There's no need to turn a simple disagreement [over which brand of peanut butter to buy or how to vacuum a rug] into some kind of crazy shouting match over whose got Daddy issues or who was a spoiled child. When couples let simple disagreements turn into big huge blow outs, they tend to forget what their really arguing about. The key is to stay focused and make the simple, yet rational decision of which peanut butter to get, even if it means buying two different brands. It's a simple solution to a simple disagreement. I'd like to assure my readers that all of which I write is truly for you benefit. I'm trying to slowly but surely work my own views into that which I write about it just so that everyone can learn my style. I just want to see that everyone is happy, communicating properly, and living well.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Let Go of the Burden of Pain
In continuation with the relationship topic, I've decided to post another one of Dr. Niven's simple secrets for all to read. I feel that its another thought provoking follow up to my previous post about the future mattering more than the past.
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2 comments:
While simplicity is certainly a desirable characteristic of a relationship, simple disagreements do not always have simple answers. To use your example of the peanut butter disagreement, your solution is to buy two different brands. Obviously this is a specific example, but you use it to represent a larger scope of problems. In this example, buying two brands seems easy because both people get their way. This is not possible, even in simple disagreements. A better example is which way to face the toilet paper roll, over or under. It can not be both. The true solution to both simple and complex disagreements between couples involves compromise. Implying that both people can get their way in a simple disagreement eliminates the issue altogether. This example and its proposed solution trivializes the importance of compromise in a relationship.
Though I understand your point, it was the only example I could come up with considering I was half asleep while writing to begin with.
I've included the important of compromise within my posts. Communication and compromise are two key essentials to any kind of relationship period.
I'm not unaware of these things, I'm simply choosing to focus on one issue at a time, not to write an entire blog post about all the do's & don'ts of a relationship.
Sometimes you must learn to pick and choose your battles, so if you buy two different types of peanut butter - yes, it does eliminate the issue - but its a simple solution, instead of it becoming something bigger than it should.
The toilet paper situation is a completely different topic, which requires a different resolvable approach.
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