My 'Twilight' Experience.

I came across a brilliant 3 part article on The Washington Post's website about literary women, their love for the Twilight saga, and their complete and utter lack of shame for falling so hard for a silly tween love story.

Finding the initial piece led to another article about the healing powers of Twilight and it put me at ease, or at even more ease I should say.

When I first heard of this whole Twilight thing, it was during the holiday season last year and I was working a crappy mall job to pass time between semesters. People would come into the story raving about the movie, wearing the t-shirts and hoodies, and promising me how great it was. Initially I was very much against this whole vampire business, having had no interest in them prior, and swore up and down, to Jupiter and back that I would never Benedict Arnold my love and devotion to Harry Potter.

Then came the nonstop advertisements on OnDemand during the early spring time of this year. I kept ignoring them and praying they would stop showing me this stupid crap.

When a sudden and unexpected dry spell hit me, having no more new or old movies to watch, I caved in and decided to let myself find out just exactly what all the craze was about. So I picked up a copy of the movie and within 20 minutes, I was completely hooked. It was like I had been injected by an unwanted course of emotions and it wasn't going to stop.

Top-Five: Reasons NOT to approach a guy at a bar.

I've been racking my brain as of recently trying to come up with a new top-five. It's been rather difficult since I cannot put down this Twilight Saga. I'm finally on the fourth book and it kills me a little each time I have to set it down. Anywho, back to the task at hand!

While out with several of my girlfriends last Thursday evening, it dawned on me that I really don't think guys have a clue. And when I say clue, I mean that they are simply oblivious to certain things that any intelligent, self-respecting women would notice. I say this with certainty because I was able to compile a hefty list within a short time period; a list of reasons to not approach a man at a bar. It's pretty sad that I was able to jot down a list of more than ten different reasons, all of which had serious backbone.

So, without further ado, I bid you my latest.

1. Never approach a guy who is drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. As we all know, PBR is almost always on special at just about any bar, therefore it doesn't require much money to purchase, which in turn says that the guy is more than likely cheap and/or frugal with his money. Although, I know it also could convey that he is merely being efficient with his finances by choosing a beverage that serves its purpose. But let's be serious here. I don't know a single guy in his right mind who would do this. Moving on....

Let Go of the Burden of Pain

In continuation with the relationship topic, I've decided to post another one of Dr. Niven's simple secrets for all to read. I feel that its another thought provoking follow up to my previous post about the future mattering more than the past.

Let Go of the Burden of Pain You've been hurt and then apologized to. It is painful, but you decide it is within your heart to forgive. Yet the paint doesn't just go away. You carry with you the trauma of what happened, and you think of it even when there's no reason to. You have to let go of the pain. Carrying it around makes it seem like the hurt is fresh every day. Only you can it away. Ask yourself this: If you ha to walk one hundred mies and had the option of carrying a massive cement block - a block of no value to you or anyone else - or carrying nothing at all, which would you choose? "Why would I possibly choose to carry this block" you would ask. Exactly. Niven, D (2003). The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

This little "secret" makes so much sense too; and I know that not a single person can disagree with me on it. It really does serve no purpose to carry something like this around with you everyday even if its sitting deep within you. You've got to do something to rid yourself of the pain someway, somehow - but only in a healthy manner of course. I always suggest trying new things, meeting new people, picking up a new hobby, or just switching up your routine a little bit. I'm not suggesting that after a traumatizing experience that one should simply pick up the pieces and move on. We all must grieve in our own way, but when the grieving period become apart of your daily routine then something must give way. Holding onto the pain only slows you down and it only prevents you from meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, whom could have passed you by on the street today. You never truly know. I personally feel that relationships should always be simple, specifically, I feel that if you can be honest with your partner and work any issues out in an constructive and compromising manner, then you've got nothing to worry about. Complications shall always arise no matter how good everything can be, but the way in which the two people deal with and resolve these dilemmas is what really matters. There's no need to turn a simple disagreement [over which brand of peanut butter to buy or how to vacuum a rug] into some kind of crazy shouting match over whose got Daddy issues or who was a spoiled child. When couples let simple disagreements turn into big huge blow outs, they tend to forget what their really arguing about. The key is to stay focused and make the simple, yet rational decision of which peanut butter to get, even if it means buying two different brands. It's a simple solution to a simple disagreement. I'd like to assure my readers that all of which I write is truly for you benefit. I'm trying to slowly but surely work my own views into that which I write about it just so that everyone can learn my style. I just want to see that everyone is happy, communicating properly, and living well.

The Future Matters More than the Past

While reading through one of many relationship books I came across one of them which I purchased several years back, 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships by Dr. David Niven. The book takes a simple scientific approach to explore relationships which he's formatted as an obvious list of 100 things followed by a real-life example. Through the years I've put little flags on the pages that struck my fancy. One in particular I thought was an excellent follow up to my last post so I'd like to share it with you all in hopes that you can take something from it and use it wisely.

The Future Matters More than the Past When a relationship has a successful history, some may imagine that the work has already been accomplished. But that is no more true than imagining that successful gardeners can skip watering and fertilizing this year because of their good track record. The fact that you have experience and confidence in your relationship means that you know what needs to be done. It does not mean that can ignore things that need to be done because you've done them before. The task of a successful relationship never ends because the point of a relationship is to build toward the future, not the past . Niven, D (2003). The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

If you think about it, what happened in the past simply cannot be changed, so why sit and harp on it? Why continually beat yourself up emotionally over something that happened previously in your current relationship or something from a past relationship? Nothing gets solved when you focus on the past. We gain success through hard work, trial, and error; and the same applies to a relationship - you learn from the mistakes you've made in order to ensure successful futurity. So let's put forth the energy spent beating one's self up into making the future a more successful one. I really hope that the things that I post can provoke thought and allow room for continual growth in the lives and relationships of my readers.

Honesty is the best policy!

Forgive my short absence; I’ve been suffering from a very common thing known as “writer’s block”. I’ve got this list of ideas for my top-five though none of which have come to fruition. I’m not exactly sure why I can’t seem to pump out another humorous list of things but I’d bet that it’s probably because my current idea’s list sucks. Fortunately, the time has come where I was able to climb over writer’s block hurdle and win the race – or at least attempt to do so.

As most of you know, I’m currently studying to become a relationship therapist/marriage counselor (or whatever you’d like to call it) and in doing so I’m faced with many couples and their never-ending dilemmas on a constant basis. Most people would rather run for the hills than actually listen with a genuine concern and open mind. For me, this is my forte, it is who I am, and it is literally my calling. I have completely surrendered myself to helping others find harmony, balance, and true happiness within their relationships.

And let’s not forget to mention the surrendering of the first 30 years of my life, which includes 12 years of higher education, to make this calling a full blown reality. And this is not to say that I have surrendered my own happiness to help others, because having my own first, goes without saying.

As of recently, I’ve been dealing with many people who have what’s known as a “case of the ex” or have been severely scarred by a previous partner. Typically the scarred individuals are male, while the ones causing the grief are female. I encounter this not only in my professional life but also in my personal life, which can obviously throw me (or anyone else for that matter) for a loop.

It saddens me to learn of these women who are out there causing so harm to the few genuinely nice guys we have on this planet. It strikes a great deal of wondering, questioning, and the playing out of countless scenarios in my mind that I try to figure out just why these women think it’s okay to deceive? The next question that I ask is where do they learn this stuff from? Who tells them that it’s okay to treat men like shit? And more importantly, what is causing them to do all of this?

I was raised by a very hardworking single mother and she never really taught me exactly how to treat a man, but I watched how she treated the few men she dated, including my stepdad. One thing my mom always tells me is that I’m going to “make an amazing wife someday and an even better mother”. Well, we all know I despise children (that is, except for Peaches) so I won’t be fulfilling the latter part of her statement. But nowhere in there did I mention that she walked all over a guy, used him, abused him, and spit him out when she was finished with him.

A male friend of mine, whom shall remain nameless, suggests that it’s spun off from the whole women’s liberation movement. Sure, I love being a liberated modern woman – but you sure as hell won’t catch me burning my bras and not shaving my armpits. I never really thought about whole women’s lib thing until my friend put it into perspective – women just don’t know how to show appreciation.

People in general don’t know how to show appreciation, which is so sad. Think about it – you do something nice for someone, even if it’s merely opening the door for them or asking them how they are doing – and what kind of response do you usually get? Thank you. I’m a semi-traditional woman so I feel that words of gratitude go a very long way. I always say please and thank you, it’s seriously one of the easiest things a person can do to show appreciation – and think about how far saying thank you can go. It’s not rocket science people.

Part of why it’s so disturbing for me to learn about this is that it out-right ruins the chances for the few genuinely nice women out there. The women who will devote themselves to you, take care of you, and be truly appreciative of all that a man can do for them. The selfishness, carelessness, and downright lack of compassion of these demon women who trample the hearts of men cause so much scarring that it makes it nearly impossible for a man to ever trust another woman again.

Think about a time when someone hurt you so badly that you’ve carried it with you as time went by, even once the pain stopped, the constant thoughts of it disappeared, and the situation as a whole has virtually vanished into thin air – what is it that you do when those situations have resurfaced into the forefront? Why on earth would another person want to subject another human being to something like that? Why can’t these dumbass girls just be honest? Why can’t they think before they speak or act? More specifically, what are these girls so afraid of that’s causing them to be dishonest?

Another angle that I’ve used to examine this from is that of awareness. Most people I encounter seem to only be aware of surface-level things. People never seem to delve deeper beyond the shallow, meaningless things that consume our lives on the daily. It seems like that majority of these deceitful women all share two things in common – shallow awareness and selfishness. The low-level awareness causes a limited pool of thought. Meaning that because one can only be aware of surface level things, they do not have the ability to think outside of the box of their own little world (which does not include the emotions of others), which ultimately causes them to be selfish without even realizing it; yet another form of low-level awareness.

I’m not even going to limit this to just the women who aren’t aware of jack shit, I’m not going to be naïve to the fact that there are plenty of very intelligent women out there who are knowingly deceiving men and getting away with it; and are completely okay with knowing they are being evil bitches. Its one thing to know the power you possess over a man, but it’s another to use it in a negative way.

The reason why I’ve brought this up is because of the alarming number of incidents that I’ve been learning of. I’ve personally been the woman who has to suffer because of the scarring another woman has caused to a genuine guy. I’ve honestly dealt with this same scenario more than 10 times, which is really fucking pathetic. I wrote about this because I want people to become more aware of what it is that they do and say. Think before you fucking speak, and learn to think outside of the fucking box.

I am really tired of being the one who has to get hurt every time I meet a guy who I actually like just to learn that he’s been scarred by some dumb selfish bitch. It’s always the same story – right girl, wrong time. Maybe if people we’re more honest with each other we wouldn’t have to suffer so much. My mother taught me that honesty is the best policy – let’s take that and run with it.